As pretty much everybody in any place ever knows, it is icy outside. The roads are covered in ice, the houses and the cars… pretty much everything, and I just drove 3 hours through it. I might have even started driving after the sleet had started to fall. Let me just go ahead and admit that the drive I just completed was one of the dumbest things I have ever done in my life. This is not because the roads were icy or that I am a bad driver, but because I surrounded myself with complete idiots on the road.
I am a firm believer that those who drive 25 mph on the interstate are what cause 95% of icy road accidents. Scenario: you are coming up behind somebody who is going 25 mph in the fast last (regular mph 65) and they cause you to slam on your brakes. You should never, repeat never slam on your breaks on ice, but since the ruler of DA-ville is in the fast lane you have to choose. 1. Slam breaks 2. Rear end the ruler of the DAes. Both result in an accident. There is no need, repeat no need, to drive like a snail on ambien when you are on the interstate and the roads are simply wet.
Tips to Surviving Winter Weather in NC
1. Have confidence in your abilities to not kill yourself, your family and all of those around you. Concentrate on the fact you are no longer a 16 year-old driving your fathers station wagon, but instead a grown adult that can drive! Don’t be scared, be cautious. You can do it! Spread your wings and fly like an eagle my friends.
2. If you are in fact going to drive like you’re deaf, mute and blind, stay in the right hand lane. Stay in that lane at all times. Seriously, at all times. There is no need to make those who aren’t paralyzed with fear have to switch in and out of lanes to pass you. That just puts everybody at risk. Do yourself (and everybody else) a favor and just stay in the slow lane. Please dear sweet Baby Jesus.
3. If your window starts freezing up get off the next exit. There was a car beside me today that had their windshield freeze over. They then SLAMMED on the their breaks and went straight into the bank on the side of the road. Be smart like me and pull over at a gas station with a roof! But don’t be like me and beat your windshield wipers until they FALL OFF. Yes, I might have ripped my windshield wiper right off. Instead of crying about it and calling my dad like I wanted to, I just went around and asked every soul in the place if they could help me. I got help, my windshield wiper is okay and I didn’t die.
4. Follow behind a dually. For all your non-southern folk, that would be a truck with two back wheels on each side. They make a nice track for you to follow. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
5. Most importantly, just have common sense. I am not claiming to be some superior driver (I actually am) just try your best to have common sense. If you are driving slow, stay in the slow lane. If your windows are freezing, pull over and scrape them. Don’t slam you breaks on ice. If you start slipping on ice, don’t jerk your wheel…. common sense.
And remember ice is a weather condition… not the boogie man.
p.s I feel like I should also mention that I finished season 4 of Parks & Recreation last night. When Leslie won her election, I cried. I couldn’t help it, and I tried really hard not to. They just did a really good job acting it out, and I was really happy for that fictional TV character.